Friday, July 7th, 2024 - An Introduction

Hi all, I hope you're all doing well. It would be nice if my first entry was more cheery, but that's a luxury I can't really afford right now. I'm currently in my sixth period APLit class, and we are watching Children of Men, since apparently we have nothing better to do anymore but have a film unit. I'm so deeply tired of high school. Each day is a drag over hot coals, with each coal hotter than the last. Not to be dramatic or anything, of course.

My phone is dead, I'm failing AP Calculus, and my boyfriend is going to Portland on a school trip and won't be back till sunday. Dear lord save me.

With that cheery opener, I graduate in T-minus one week! I'm so close to being free it almost doesn't feel real anymore. The weather has been beautiful recently, although it's making my lips chapped and I have to smear on way more sunscreen than usual. But- I get to wear sundresses again, and it's easier to go to the gym in the morning before school since it's already light out even at 5:30. I'd call that a major win.

There's an assembly at the tail end of sixth period called the "Moving up Assembly" where we enter in clothing matching the color assigned to your grade and then change into the color assigned to the grade you're entering into in the fall. Of course there's a lot more fanfare but that's the basics of it. I don't like assemblies very much but I feel like I should go anyway because I'll never have a chance to attend an assembly in this school again (not really a bad thing, though). Also, I have a chance to get my yearbook afterwards and as long as I get out of the room early enough I can cut through a lot of the super super super long lines. If you can't tell, I'm trying harder to convince myself to go than convince you that I want to in the first place.

I guess the last thing for me to really discuss right now is the state of my highschool friend groups. I've found that they keep making plans within a small group of people in our group, and that's bothering me a bit. Our group has never been totally drama free- I mean, we all do theatre, what do you except- and I wouldn't exactly say this is drama, but I'm moving across the country for college in two months, for godsake. I reserve the right to want to hangout with all my friends and not feel excluded in my last few months of being a kid.

Anyway, I've been going to the gym more recently, which is certainly making my mom happy. I've been eating badly and vaping a lot but what can you do. Sometimes you just have to find your own way to cope. I think this pollen is giving me a cold, or maybe my vapes have already given me lung cancer, because I've been making hella mucus recently. My mucus membranes are working hard asf right now. Anyway, I haven't purged in a really long time, probably about a month now, so I think my bulimia is getting better, but I think my bingeing has been getting worse. I'm gonna try 18 hour fasts every day in the week running up to graduation. I could probably drop 10 lbs in a week, if I'm going to gym enough, right? anyway.

finally, I'm gonna talk about my interests a bit. A comprehensive list of my favorite books: House of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski - The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath - Collected Poems, Sylvia Plath - The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath - Exquisite Corpse, Poppy Z. Brite - Sputnik Sweetheart, Haruki Murakami - Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami - Persuasion, Jane Austen - Nana, Ai Yazawa

my favorite musicians:

Slaughter Beach, Dog - The Mountain Goats - Yutaka Ozaki - Loveholic - Marika Hackman - Happy End - ATEEZ - Ichiko Aoba - Rufus Wainwright - Rubberband - JANNABI - Quruli - Dringe Augh - Phoebe Bridgers - Air - Lamp - SHINee - Big Thief - Adrienne Lenker - Rose McDowall - SCRUBB - SACOYANS - Omnipotent Youth Society - Parannoul - Whatever, Dad - Meaningful Stone - SPITZ - Red Velvet - The Beach Boys - Dynamicduo - Indigo De Souza